Welcome to Bizkit's Slightly Twisted VP Movie Reviews!
Welcome to my new movie review page. I'm your reviewer, Bizkit. Here's a little about my policy.
1. I will never attack a member personally. If your movie is-for lack of a better word-crappy, I will not hesitate to let you know, but personal attacks are below even me.
2. Please extend the same courtesy to me. Say what you wish about my reviewing style, but if you personally attack me, I will get medieval on your ass. Okay, maybe not, but you'll definitely hurt my feelings.
3. If you seriously feel that I have badly missed the point on my review of your movie, feel free to email me and make me see the light, and I will take another look at your movie.
4. And by the way, PULP FICTION RULES! Those who disagree should know better than to shatter my dreams.
Now here's a little bit about my reviewing style.
Plot-This category basically tells how interested I am about where your story goes. See, An interestingly plotted movie, such as The Usual Suspects or L.A.Confidential will tend to get a higher review from me than some WB-star filled Scream rip-off. See what I mean here?
Casting If you have Jack Nicholson playing a high school senior, tell me whats wrong with that. We also don't need to see Haley Joel Osment playing a divorced father of three. That's improbable(not to mention creepy)and takes alot of my focus off the movie itself. Use your brain when casting your movie.
Dialogue-You can have the best plot in the world, and great casting, but if your characters talk to eachother like robots, then who cares?
Those are the main criteria, but I will also be customizing my reviews to fit a certain movie, and may invent new categories if they are needed. The overall movie will be graded on a scale of 1-10.(1 being the lowest) but i will also give a "bottom line" about the movie, similar to "People" magazine.
Now, on to the reviews!!
The Brooklyn Snitch Project
Starring: Robert DeNiro, Chazz Palmentieri, Anthony LaPaglia, Paul Sorvino
Directed by Martin Scorsese
At first, when I began reading this Blair Witch Project meets Goodfellas-type movie, I thought to myself, "Bizkit, when are people going to stop parodying the Blair Witch Project and think of their own ideas for once?" This thought and a number of others like it crossed through my head as i gazed through the plot of The Brooklyn Snitch Project. Then, something remarkable happened. I reached the end, and discovered how much more this was than a parody. Not only did it hold its own against my attention span, which doesn't usually exceed 3 seconds, but it managed to explain a little more about the original Blair Witch. Not too damn bad at all. The characters could've been developed more, but it's clearly not a psychological character study here.
Final Grade: 7
Bottom line: Not too long, doesn't make you think too hard, some decent suspense, and mobsters. Nice work.
A Day in the Park
Produced by Weirdo Wonders
Starring: Billy Crystal, Giovanni Ribisi, Greg Proops, Paul Reiser, Matthew Perry
Directed by Robert Zemeckis
What a great idea. Blowing up Disney World. The sheer glee of watching the Pirates of the Caribbean melt would be delightful. This movie is right on the money, with an original plot that doesn't copy off anything I've seen so far. Combine that with an excellent cast and assaaultive dialogue that takes no prisoners, we have ourselves a winner. I have a feeling even old Walt would get a kick out of this one. Disney execs, listen up. Animate this adventure, and you have box office gold. I hear Celine Dion is available to do the Oscar nominated-hero-ballad.
Final Grade: 8.5
Bottom Line: This sort of thing makes Bizkit happy. Ferociously original, wickedly executed, all around great. Spend a day in this park.
That 70's Movie
Produced by HyperActive Productions
Starring: Topher Grace, Danny Masterson, Ashton Kutcher, Laura Prepon, Mila Kunis, Wilmer Valderamma, Debra Jo Rupp, Kurtwood Smith, Jared Leto
Directed by Rob Reiner
Okay let me start out by saying that I am a fan of the show, so don't accuse me of not "getting" it. There's nothing wrong with the film itself, in fact it would make a perfectly good episode of the show. Thats the problem. It's right there in the title. That 70's Movie. The vibe I was getting from this film was just a slightly longer episode. I'm torn here, because i really did enjoy this movie, but I enjoyed it as a show, which is sometimes the problem with adapting shows to the big screen. The point of a movie is doing new things with the characters, not just making the show longer.
Final Grade: 6
Bottom line: Works well as a show, but VP is made for movies.
Produced by Creativity Unilimited/Movies on the Side
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Bonnie Hunt, Nicole Tom, Brendan Sexton III, Jane Curtin, Anna Chlumsky
Directed by Gus Van Sant
The only thing wrong with this incredibly powerful tale of abuse within a family was that it was too real. Reading the script for this movie, I felt like the characters were interacting around me, and I could see the movie happening, which made it so real to me. Fantastic job on this one.
Final Grade: 9.5
Bottom Line: A chillingly real tale which deserves for everyone to give it a look.
Produced by MatineeFilms
Starring: Scott Speedman, Thora Birch, John Cusack, Emily Watson, Gordon Greenley, Tobey Maguire
Directed by Sam Mendes
No script yet.
Produced by Brass Productions
Final Grade: 4
Bottom Line: Tired old formula that doesn't show us anything new.
My pick of the week: Antipathy